rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
