Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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