But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
