I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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