I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
