I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
