Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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