where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
