we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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