I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Houston, we have a blender
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
