I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
