At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
