he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
