I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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