We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
