she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My bed smells like the plague
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