I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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