We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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