And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
