I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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