i think my mom watched the whole time
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
