just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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