i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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