she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
