I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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