im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
