Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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