I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize