my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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