id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
