Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
