You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
