Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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