Having a random hookup so left but love u
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
