i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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