3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
