he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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