this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
