so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
