I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
