Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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