Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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