I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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