When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
