you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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