she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
a search helicopter?!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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