Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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