Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
