Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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