yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
