turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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