I looked at my own cervix.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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