Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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