I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
People in love make me want to vomit
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
