i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
God, I missed his penis.
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