No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
