yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
