I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
