Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
