We're facebook friends in real life
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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