marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
