is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
