a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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