I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
