Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
