yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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