who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
