Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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