Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
