u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
