Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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