Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
