Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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