So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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