New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
