She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
