I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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