Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
