i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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