let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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