She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
