I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
