Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
