considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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