my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
