ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
