I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
