Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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