I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
