Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I understand Curling. That high.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
