Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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