dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I will pee on everything he values.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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